Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am Jenizza Taduran, a student under the course study, Mechanical Design and Manufacturing Engineering (MDME) and currently your student under the module Critical Thinking and Communicating. I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic (SP) with a Diploma in Energy Systems and Management (DESM).
During secondary school, I had a strong interest in arts and food and nutrition, but my school had limited options for subject choices in upper secondary, and ended up having design and technology as one of my subjects. However, despite it not being one of my choices, I ended up being intrigued by the various machinery, and of course designing was involved, which intertwined with my interest in arts.
As I took a break after graduating polytechnic to work and discover myself, I found myself wanting to pursue a degree related to food and nutrition, however, It was difficult without having a previous background in it. After researching on university courses, I found that MDME was a step towards pursuing a job pertaining to the food industry.
I believe that my communication strengths lies in my curiosity to find out more about people, as I feel that I can always learn more about others and from them. However, what holds me back is my fear of making mistakes, especially in front of other people, hence why I tend to divert attention from myself and blend into the background.
My goals for this module is to be able to voice out my thoughts without holding back myself too much, as well as improving my formal writing skills, because as an engineering student, I feel that we do not have many opportunities to write professional emails and letters.
I hope that this letter has shown my individuality and given you a better understanding about myself.
Kind regards,
Jenizza Taduran
Thank you for writing this well thought-out letter! I was able to learn a lot more about you through this letter. I really appreciate the fact that you expanded on your history in regards of joining MDME and it really added a lot of impact on your points.
ReplyDeleteA point to take note is that there are some minor grammatical mistakes, which fortunately does not impact the flow of the letter much.
Thank you Omega for your wonderful feedback! I'm glad that you feel that the content shows more about myself. I'll take note of the grammatical mistakes and change the errors!
DeleteI was able to understand clearly from the letter. The points were significant and relevant. The points were well delivered. The organization and the flow of the letter linked well with the next part of the letter, so that's very nice.
ReplyDeleteAll in all, it's good. Great job!
Thank you Yu Wei for commenting on my post! I'm glad you were able to get the message from my email and find the flow to be good.
DeleteFirst of all , from jen content, i have learn so much from her introduction and her organisation was really good as the flow and parallelism is quite good. As for her language, it's good too. Good job Jen !
ReplyDeleteThanks Syahiir for your comment! Glad to take note that you found parallelism in my letter, which I was not aware of myself, that's interesting to find out!
DeleteGreat content, she managed to answer the all the points. She gave more in depth details to explain about her reasonings. I love the fact that she does not give up on her dreams and is always finding a different path in her pursuit. Overall, this letter allowed me to understand her better as an individual.
ReplyDeleteThanks Justin for your feedback! I'm glad that this letter has let you know more about myself as an individual!
DeleteOverall, I think that this was a very insightful letter to give readers more knowledge about her as a person. She was able to provide necessary evidence to support her statements. I also felt like she was able to link all the her thoughts in each paragraph which allows readers to know how she feels or what she thinks. Overall, this was a well written letter, Good job :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Eunice for your wonderful feedback! I'm glad you found that letter to be well written and insightful!
DeleteHi Jen! Thanks for the well-written letter; the points required were elaborated upon thoroughly. I hope you achieve your goal of voicing your thoughts and improving your formal writing skills. All the best!
ReplyDeleteHi Yeow Min! I appreciate your feedback on my letter, I hope you achieve your goals for this module as well!
DeleteDear Jenizza,
ReplyDeleteWhat a fascinating letter this is! You do a fine job covering the various points from the assignment brief and providing details to illustrate. It's enriching for all of us readers to learn so much about you, be that your interest in food and nutrition or the slight frustration you have felt as you've had to navigate some uncertainty while jostling for the desired university programme.
In this letter you also do a good job sharing about your concerns in communication. Let me say two things: 1. There is no such thing as a mistake in our lass, and 2. I welcome your comments and questions, whether in class or by email. So don't let my at times brusque nature stop you from pushing and probing.
In terms of language use, there are a few areas worth your consideration in this letter:
1. sentence structure/clarity
-- I had a strong interest in arts and food and nutrition, but my school had limited options for subject choices in upper secondary, and ended up having design and technology as one of my subjects. > (transition word/punctuation)
I had a strong interest in arts and food and nutrition, but my school had limited options for subject choices in upper secondary, and ended up having design and technology as one of my subjects.
>
I had a strong interest in arts and food and nutrition, but my school had limited options for subject choices in upper secondary, so I ended up having design and technology as one of my subjects.
-- However, despite it not being one of my choices, I ended up being intrigued by the various machinery, and of course designing was involved, which intertwined with my interest in arts.
> (lack of clarity: What not being one of your courses?) ?
-- As I took a break after graduating polytechnic to work and discover myself, I found myself wanting to pursue a degree related to food and nutrition, however, It was difficult without having a previous background in it.
> (comma splice/capitalization + lack of clarity) ?
-- However, what holds me back is my fear of making mistakes, especially in front of other people, hence why I tend to divert attention from myself and blend into the background. > (comma splice/use of the word 'why') ?
2. verb use
-- ...my communication strengths lies.... > ?
Please don't let these critical comments eclipse the fine effort you made with this letter.
Each of us has so much to offer to those in our social circles in terms of what we have learned from both work and life experience. In short, don't blend :)
I look forward to more discussions with you in class.
Best wishes,
Brad
Thank you Professor Brad for the constructive criticism! I'll take note of the points given and apply it into my next assignment. :)
DeleteRegards,
Jenizza